‘Shrooms!

Today I’ll be sharing my recipe for portobello  “steaks”. This is a great recipe for converting a carnivore and it dispels the myth that going vegan is expensive. 4 large portobello mushrooms at Sam’s club cost $5 and serves 4. Ask your meat-eating friends when was the last time they cooked a steak dinner for 4 for $1.25 each?  Before trying these, I thought I hated mushrooms. To me, they were like chewing on a condom, I just didn’t like the texture.

Portobellos are nothing like their poor cousins, canned button mushrooms (bless their rubbery little hearts),  they are just awesome! The secret is to marinate them, but not for too long. Mushrooms are very porous and only need to marinate for 1-2 hours. Always wash mushrooms just before using by wiping with a damp paper towel as washing them too soon makes them just plain nasty! I did a lot of experimenting and came up with this yet-to-be-named concoction. Like I said, mushrooms are very porous and thus absorb easily so it’s important to not use too much salty or sweet ingredients.

For the Marinade:

1/2 cup EVOO

1/2 cup balsamic vinegar

1/2  cup Teriyaki sauce *

2 cloves garlic, chopped

1 Tablespoon salt

1 Tablespoon freshly cracked black pepper

Juice and zest 1 lime

 Emulsify all ingredients with an immersion (stick) blender.

For the Portobellos:

4 large portobellos

prepared marinade

2 Tablespoons EVOO and/or Earth Balance for frying

portobello mushroom "steak" with roasted garlic, caramelized onions, corn and asparagus

In a gallon size ziplock, add portobellos and marinade. Allow to marinate for at least 1, but no more than 2 hours, flipping the bag periodically(every 30 minutes should do it). Remove portobellos from bag, rinse and pat dry with paper towels.  Heat oil and/or Earth Balance in skillet over medium heat for 5 minutes. Add mushrooms and cook on each side for 2-3 minutes, until it starts to get some color. Season with salt and pepper and serve. These make great burgers as well. For burgers, serve on a toasted bun with caramelized onions and roasted garlic. You won’t even miss the cheese! As this recipe contains no animal products, feel free to marinate veggies as well. Asparagus is my favorite. You can also save left- over marinade and use for tofu the next day, just follow the same method as for the portobellos.

*check the label to make sure teriyaki sauce is vegan. I used Food Lion brand which contains mostly corn syrup and some spices.

KarmaKakes:

Some days just suck. Some people just piss us off. These are the times when we just want to say “F— this veganism!” and order a KFC double down with a side of fried baby animals dipped in chocolate. Such as when that ho-bag who stole your boyfriend in high school keeps popping up in the “people you may know” box on Facebook with her profile picture taken on her honeymoon in Italy and even though you’ve since realized that you’re gay, it’s a matter of principal and where is that bitch Karma when you really need her?

Or a certain obsessive compulsive co-worker has nothing better to do than make up lies to your boss and get you fired even though you’re not the one giving the “happy endings”. (Again, you’re losing patience with that bitch Karma) But look on the bright side, now you have time to blog and share your famous recipes!

For days that simply suck, no animal product will make you feel any better. Neither will drugs or alcohol or keying that skank’s new Camry.  You need cupcakes. No one feels sad while eating a cupcake, especially a cruelty free cupcake.  I know 2 things for sure; 1)cupcakes make everything better:), and 2)Karma IS a bitch, just sometimes she doesn’t move as swiftly as we’d like.  Don’t seek revenge. Wait it out and in the meantime, bake yourself a batch of these “waiting on Karma cupcakes” AKA “KarmaKakes”.

If you’re in need of some good Karma, bake a batch for someone you love. If you’re in need of some GREAT Karma, bake a batch for someone you don’t even like. Don’t get me wrong, I won”t be baking these for any former co-workers (except 1) any time soon, I’m just saying that doing something nice for someone you don’t particularly care for earns you mad Karma-points! Did I mention these are chocolate? So they’re good for your PMS needs as well:)

KarmaKakes (vegan chocolate cupcakes with vegan chocolate buttercream frosting)

1  C coconut milk, whisked with 1 T apple cider vinegar

1/3 C canola or vegetable oil

1 T vanilla EXTRACT not vanilla “flavor” (shudders)

1 t almond extract

3/4 C dark brown sugar

1 C all purpose flour

1/3 C cocoa powder

1 packet French vanilla pudding mix*

3/4 t baking soda

1/2 t baking powder

1/2 t salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line muffin pan with paper or foil liners. Mix the wet ingredients (the milk, vinegar, oil and extracts)  in a 2 cup measuring cup and set aside. Sift dry ingredients into large mixing bowl and slowly add liquid mixture while beating on low speed.  Once all the liquid has been added, mix on medium speed until batter is smooth (a few tiny lumps may remain).  Pour into liners, filling 3/4 of the way and bake 25-30 minutes until toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.  Allow to cool completely before frosting or you will have a hot mess! Because I’m impatient, I place them in the freezer for 20-30 minutes then let them sit at room temperature for 5-10 minutes.  Only use this method if you have metal racks in your freezer as glass can crack!

Karma Frosting :

1/4 C Earth Balance Buttery Spread**

1/4 vegetable shortening

1/2 C cocoa powder

2 1/2 C powdered sugar

3 T coconut milk

1 T vanilla extract

1 t almond extract

Mix butter and shortening until well combined, add the cocoa powder and sugar 1/2  cup at a time until well mixed, add extracts and coconut milk and mix on high speed until light and fluffy (about 3 minutes), add more coconut milk, 1 T at a time if needed. Makes enough to generously  frost  12 cupcakes.

* Most powdered pudding mixes are vegan, they contain cornstarch, sugar and flavorings. check the label to be certain

** For readers in the Richmond VA/ Tri City area, I’ve only been able to find Earth Balance at Kroger and Elwood Thompson’s.  Their website earthbalancenatural.com has a store guide.

Leftover Ruckus!

So you’ve tried both recipes and now you have a metric ton of hummus that you don’t know what to do with. I usually freeze some so I have something to bring to an impromptu potluck, but if you’re short on freezer space, or just hate potlucks, here are some ideas:

1) Use as a spread on sandwiches or wraps in place of mayo (or nayo). It’s a great way to add protein. My favorite is a whole wheat wrap, spread with about 1/4 C hummus and sliced tomatoes, spinach, sliced sweet onions, Greek olives (pitted) and a few Tofurky slices.

2) Use as a vegan pizza base, pre-heat oven to 400 degrees Take 1 whole wheat pocket-less pita, spread on 1 T EVOO with a silicon pastry brush*, place on a pizza stone* or cookie sheet and place in oven for 5 minutes, or until lightly toasted, remove from oven and spread with 1/2 C hummus, top with your favorite vegan toppings such as sliced bell peppers, sun dried tomatoes, pitted Greek olives, caramelized onions*, roasted garlic*, sauteed spinach, or sauteed baby portobello mushrooms, Place back in oven for 5 minutes. Allow to cool for 5 minutes. Serves 1.

3) Turn into homemade veggie burgers: In a large bowl add 2 C leftover hummus, 2 T ground flax seed mixed with 1/4 C warm water, 1/4 C flour, 2 T EVOO, salt and pepper to taste. mix thoroughly with a large spoon, shape into 4 patties and fry in a medium hot skillet sprayed with oil, for about 2-3 minutes on each side. Serve on a bun with lettuce, tomatoes, onions and/or veganaise/nayonaise. Feel free to add 1/2 C any leftover veggies to burger mixture. I like corn, roasted peppers, chopped broccoli, chopped cauliflower, chopped spinach, or grated onions.

Thanks for reading and please share your leftover ideas in the comments,

-Nikki aka The Hummuscidal Maniac

*Silicon pastry brushes and pizza stones can be purchased at The Compleat Gourmet in Carytown.

*To caramelize onions, Dice 2 large sweet onions, heat 2 T Evoo + 2 T Earth Balance or use 4 T EVOO, in a 10″ skillet on med low until earth balance melts, add onions, reduce heat to low, and cook for 1 hour, stirring occasionally. For sweeter flavor, add 1/4 C your favorite white wine with the onions at the beginning of cooking.

* To roast garlic, Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees, separate desired amount of cloves from garlic head, give each clove a whack with the side of a heavy knife to remove the peel, place peeled cloves in a jelly roll pan, drizzle with EVOO, sprinkle with salt and pepper(do I even have to tell you, freshly ground pepper only!), cover pan with foil and place in pre-heated oven for 1 hour.

Ruckus Dummus!

Today I’ll be sharing my spicy black bean hummus recipe because once you go black…Sorry, couldn’t resist:). Some may argue that this isn’t really a hummus, that it’s more of a dip. I’m not sure what the difference is but for now, we’ll call it “dummus”. Dummus is just a fun word to say! It sounds like the redneck word of the day i.e. “My brother-in-law couldn’t be a bigger dummus if he tried.” Before I begin with the recipe, I have to give a shout out to my dear friend Katie Pinney, the inventor of the original dummus. This is my version of her delicious recipe.

Spicy Black Bean “Dummus”
To cook the beans:
1lb dried black beans, soaked overnight, then rinsed and drained
4-6 large cloves of garlic, chopped
2 T kosher salt
1 T freshly cracked black pepper
2 jalepenos, sliced, seeds left intact
juice and zest of 1 lime

Place all ingredients in paella pan or stock pot and cover with at least 2″ of water. Bring to a boil on high, then reduce heat to low and cook covered for 1hr-1hr30min, until fork tender but not mushy. Drain beans reserving 1 C of the cooking liquid. In a large bowl add beans, cooking liquid, and the following:
3/4-1 C EVOO
1 large bunch cilantro* stems removed
1-2 jalepenos(depending on how spicy you like it), seeds removed and chopped
4-6 cloves of garlic, chopped
1 T turmeric
1 T kosher salt
1 T freshly cracked pepper

black bean "dummus" with tortilla chips

Mix all ingredients with an immersion(stick) blender until smooth. Start with the lesser amount of EVOO and add more until desired consistency is reached. Serve with tortilla chips, toasted pita chips, and raw vegetables such as cucumber slices, bell pepper strips, grape tomatoes, summer squash cut into strips, zucchini cut into strips, carrot sticks, celery sticks, raw sweet potato sticks, broccoli or cauliflower.

* The easiest way to wash cilantro is to fill a bowl with cold water, immerse the entire bunch, holding the stems and swish vigorously.