First of all, since two years of writing this blog has yet to make me a billionaire, I’m doing Tarot readings now. I ask for a $10-$20 donation (depending on how far I have to travel) to the HNPHBOT (Help Nikki Pay Her Bills On Time) Foundation. Also, please “like and share” my page on Facebook. Thanks!
Moving right along, I’ve encountered several fat shaming trolls over the past few weeks on various sites, so I’m giving them each their very own spot in fat-shamer hell. This is part one of what is at the moment a three part series, though I have a feeling it may turn into four or five.
A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon this gem at the Huff Post titled 22 Things You Should Never Say To A Skinny Person.
Right, I’m sure life is sooooo hard as an underweight, Caucasian, college educated, cis-gender woman, but I digress… and don’t even get me started on that stupid stock photo, WTF? Is the model smelling her finger? Ew.
I felt compelled to offer commentary so I wrote
“Body shaming is never cool, but really, there’s only like five actual complaints on this list reworded to make 22, also, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum and being fat is waaay worse! Skinny people are not moo’d at while grocery shopping, their health concerns are taken seriously by medical professionals, they don’t have to shop in specialty stores and in general are viewed as attractive and disciplined, so count your blessings”
And then some cunt who calls herself “Thewirah” (WTF?) had to weigh in (spelling and grammar errors left intact):
“I have always noticed that you can’t tell a woman or a man that she/he is overweight but that it’s okay to shame skinny people.”
Lordt, give me strength!
“Do you want some french cries to go with your waaah burger? It must be soooooo hard being able to shop anywhere you want, having doctors take you seriously, getting random compliments, etc.. Skinny shaming is not cool, but it’s nowhere near as prevalent as fat shaming. Get a grip, we all have issues.”
To which this twatwaffle responded:
“It doesn’t feel any different. Skinny people probably get more comments than fat people do (because openly shaming fat people is frown upon).”
Jumpin’ Jehovah’s Witnesses and Dale Earnhardt Sr, this cunt is trying my patience! I took a breather and responded:
“No not really, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum and being skinny is waaay easier than being fat. Magazines don’t run articles on “disguising your skinnyness”, there are no ads for weight gain diets (at least not for women), skinny people who wear skimpy clothing are not told to “cover up”, in general, society feels that fat people don’t have a right to exist and if we *must* exist, the least we can do is cover our disgusting fat bodies and not eat in public.”
But this fuckstick just doesn’t know when she has lost an argument:
“You don’t know what you are talking about. Skinny people get similar reactions when they take their clothes off. At least fat people are seen as hedonistic, not sick.”
Seriously? Is this cunt for real? I’ve had it at this point:
“I’m not going to apologize for having the right to exist nor will I continue to encourage your pity party. I’m going to keep enjoying my life (much to your chagrin) and you can keep reveling in your misery of being a skinny White girl living in a first world country. Bless your heart.”
Then two more “underprivileged” individuals felt the need to offer their insight:
From “Quinfish” (Is there a shortage of usernames?):
“Really? Being told that because of how you look you must be mentally ill isn’t insulting? What about being told that you look like a boy or that you are not a “real woman?” People should not comment on other peoples bodies. Period. If you don’t like it don’t do it to someone else.”
“I’d rather be told that I look like a boy than be moo’d at, but body-shaming is never cool, read my previous comments so you don’t miss my whole point this time.”
This douchebaguette at least had the good sense to realize that she just couldn’t match wits with me and left the conversation, unlike Miss “ukelaine”, who wrote:
“That is the whole problem that they DO NOT run articles to help skinny girls and they DO NOT have ads for weight gains for women, we are on our own !!
Look in the Supermarket, Low Fat / No Fat everywhere you go, I love yogart, try finding one that doesn’t say low fat or no fat, I just want a REGULAR yogart !!
There is no stigma to many about commenting on a person being skinny, where as, they may think twice about saying to someone’s FACE that you are too Skinny and need to EAT.”
Wow. My brain is imploding. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and offered her some advice:
“I thing part of your problem is that there’s no such thing as “yogart” try looking for “yogurt”. But yeah, there’s a serious shortage of junk foods in this country and fast food restaurants are hard to come by. It’s tough out here for a first world citizen! Good luck!”
But she couldn’t leave well enough alone:
“Yeah, I”m sure my incorrect spelling of one word, will make all the difference to my weight !! LOL”
Huffpost removes comments containing profanity, so I responded the best way I know how:
“Bless your heart”
Again, body shaming is NEVER okay, but I must say, skinny people who feel the need to whine every time someone shares a “Real women have curves” meme on Facebook need to get a grip.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t agree with this sentiment, but let me offer you some perspective.
There are thousands of memes and entire websites dedicated to making fun of fat people, and you’re getting your drawers in a twist over one fucking meme that excludes you?!
You sound about as ignorant as that stupid ginger twatwaffle who sued because she couldn’t get into her dream school.
She got denied by one fucking school and immediately started blaming the “colored folks”.
Part of being a grown up is recognizing your own privilege and if you happen to be a part of the majority 99% of the time, then you don’t have a right to bitch the one fucking time you are left out.
So if your biggest problems as a skinny person are being accused of having an eating disorder and being told to eat, then just be happy that you’ve never been asked by some punk-ass working at Macy’s if you’ve “ever heard of Spanx?” (Yes, that happened to me, and the little bitch even had the audacity to start giving me directions to Nordstroms, as Macy’s didn’t sell them!), waitstaff don’t glare at you when you select fries and tater tots as your two sides (I fucking love potatoes! Your job is to deliver my fried starchy deliciousness, not judge me! That’s a guaranteed tip-deduction, assface!) *cough* galaxydinerincarytownva *couch* *ahem* and chances are, doctors don’t even ask you about your “activity level”, so seriously, GET A FUCKING GRIP!
*Boca burger 🙂
And now the recipe.
I think part of why body-shamers are such bitter dickholes is on account of the lack of sex and carbohydrates in their lives as both of these are proven to increase serotonin levels and low serotonin is the leading cause of douchewafflery.
I can’t help them with the lack of sex in their lives as nobody wants to fuck someone who’s going to spend the entire fuck session calculating calories burned, but I can offer a recipe rich in complex carbs that will boost serotonin thereby making them slightly less insufferable which hopefully will lead to a sexual encounter.
One random thing I miss since going vegan is Olive Garden’s shrimp risotto and this recipe quells my craving magnificently. As I’ve said before, I only publish recipes that are approved by my family of carnivores and this dish is requested at least once a week.
I insist on using brown rice because white rice varieties require standing by the stove and adding broth one cup at a time until it’s all dissolved and constant stirring whereas brown rice is more “set it and forget it”. Also, brown rice is more filling and better for you.
Although this recipe is time consuming, very little of it is hands on and I wouldn’t publish it if it wasn’t worth the effort.
I prefer the combination of mushrooms and peas, but you can use whatever you like and/or have on hand. Asparagus, squash, zucchini, diced tomatoes and spring onions are all tasty add-ins.
Brown Rice Risotto:
2-4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, coconut oil, Earth Balance or a combination of these
1 small sweet onion, finely diced
salt and freshly cracked pepper
3-4 cloves garlic, minced
2 tablespoons dry white wine and/or lemon juice (Don’t leave this out! I prefer to use both)
1-2 minced portabello mushrooms (optional)
1 cup brown rice
4 cups vegan broth (I like vegan not-chicken broth, but this can be hard to find, vegetable or mushroom broth work too, just don’t use plain water! You will be sorely disappointed!)
1 cup frozen peas (optional)
1/4 nutritional yeast (optional, but sooooooo tasty!)
more salt and pepper to taste
Heat oil in a large skillet with a lid (I use a paella pan) over medium heat, add onions, mushrooms, (if using) salt, and pepper and saute for five minutes, add garlic and saute for three more minutes, add wine and/or lemon juice and cook until evaporated (about two minutes), add rice and saute for three minutes (adds a toasty flavor), add broth and increase heat to high and bring to a boil, once boiling, reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 1 hour, stir in peas and nooch and add more salt and pepper if needed.