Far too much has happened in the past week for me to possibly fit into a single, snarky, passive aggressive Facebook post, so before we get to the pie, here’s my take on the headlines:
1) Bristol Palin. In case your missed her asinine blog post you can read it here, but the gist of it is that she opposes marriage equality on the grounds of children needing a mother and father in order to thrive and that president Obama allows his daughters to watch too much Glee .
Yeah, my head imploded when I read that too.
Now she alleges to have received death threats in response to her “standing up for traditional marriage”.
The “threats” she refers to are actually more like people opining that the world would be better off if she were dead.
I disagree with this sentiment; in fact, I’m glad that people like her exist because they prove that you don’t have to be poor or a Southerner to be an ignorant piece of White trash. The Palin family in general contains more white trash than the dumpster at the paper factory.
Earlier this year she was whining that President Obama called Sandra Fluke to check on her after she was called a slut by Rush Limbaugh but he never called her when she was under media scrutiny for her teen pregnancy.
Going by her “logic” every American that has a bad day should expect a phone call from the president.
It’s normal to expect a phone call from close friends and family when you’re going through a rough time, but to expect a phone call from the president is a clear sign of an entitlement complex.
President Obama had the perfect opportunity during the 2008 election to slam both Bristol for her pregnancy at the age of 17 and her mother for giving birth after the age of 40 knowing the increased risk of Down Syndrome among other complications, yet he took the moral high road. When asked to respond to reports of Bristol’s pregnancy, he simply replied “My mother had me at 18”.
That took class.
President Obama may have handled the situation like a gentleman, but in some situations I simply lose the capacity to behave as a lady.
Bristol Palin, you are a self righteous cunt and an embarrassment to womankind. Don’t even get me started on your vow to remain abstinent until you get married, that’s a whole ‘notha blog! It looks like the White trash apple didn’t fall far from the stupid bitch tree! Do the world a favor and have yourself spayed… oh, wait, that would be too much like a woman making her own health care decisions *horrors*! Bless your heart.
2) Pat Robertson. Need I say more? In one week he both purported that gay marriage (or marriage equality, as I like to call it) causes “diseases and suffering” and suggested that statues of Buddha be destroyed.
Yeah because Jesus had a LOT to say about hating gays and destroying property so that makes perfect sense! Oh… wait…
Seriously, why is this old fucker not in a home yet?
3)Tracy Thorne-Begland. This link says it all. For people who wonder why I bother with my activism, this is just one reason; a highly qualified candidate for judge (who wouldn’t even be presiding over GLBT issues) not voted in because he is gay.
I’ve never been more ashamed of my home state.
“But wait; if you hate Virginia so much, why don’t you leave?” -Dumb Fucking Redneck
Because Virginia is my home. I was born and raised here and my family is here. I refuse to be forced out by our misogynistic douche-bag governor or any other cunt-waffle in our state government. By the time I’m ready to get married again my grandparents will be at least 90; why should they have to travel hundreds of miles just because some bureaucrat doesn’t want me to get married in my home state?
And now the recipe I promised y’all:
Love Shoney’s famous strawberry pie, but wish you could enjoy it without the slaughter of innocent animals (gelatin) and the company of nonagenarians complaining that the air conditioning is too cold and their coffee is too hot along with explicit details of their latest colonoscopy mishaps?
This pie is the answer to your prayers.
Don’t freak out about the dates in this recipe; you won’t even taste them, I promise! Also, this pie is a bit messier than non-vegan strawberry pie, I’ve heard that agar-agar can help but I haven’t tried it yet as I live in the middle of fucking nowhere.
Vegan Strawberry Pie:
For the crust:
1 package (1/3 of a box) of graham crackers (Nabisco brand in the red box is vegan, no honey)
4 tablespoons Earth Balance Buttery Spread, melted
Crush the graham crackers in food processor, blender or in a zip-lock with the back of a skillet and place crumbs directly into pie pan. Add melted E.B. and stir until well blended then using your fingers, press into pie pan, pushing some of the mixture up the sides.
For the filling:
4 cups ripe strawberries, sliced
1 cup whole strawberries (remove the green tops)
5 pitted dates, soaked in hot water for 10 minutes
juice of 1 lemon
2 tablespoons sugar
1/4 teaspoon almond exstract
Arrange sliced strawberries in crust and set aside. In a blender add the remaining ingredients and blend until smooth. Pour mixture over sliced strawberries and allow to sit in fridge for at least 1 hour. Serves 1 angry lesbian with food issues or 6 “normal” people. Taste best on day 2.