It’s no secret I’m a huge proponent for cannabis, but I want to make one thing clear;
I’m not a hot mess because I smoke, I smoke because I’m a hot mess.
If you’re against a plant that helps folks and hurts no one, you’re a cunt. If your “reasoning” is a little secondhand smoke might contaminate your precious sensibilities, you’re not only ignorant, but also a narcissist. You’re saying folks shouldn’t be allowed something helpful to them, and inconsequential to you, because you just don’t like it? I don’t like capri pants, yet I’m forced to look at them most days, but you don’t see me trying to criminalize bad fashion do you? Because I’m not a sanctimonious fuckstick who feels entitled to telling others how to live their lives.
“Derrr but there’s no such thing as secondhand capri pants derrrr” you say?
What the hell do you call the racks I have to sort through at the thrift store to find non-hideous breeches?
Why don’t prohibitionists have the same vitriol for prescription pain killers and alcohol? Not that they should be banned, but some addicts resort to stealing, robbery, mugging, and sucking dick* to feed their habit. The worst I’ve ever done to procure cannabis was buy from a libertarian *shudders*.
In other words, add anti-legalization to the list of bullshit I’ll no longer tolerate. There are no “both sides” to this issue, if you don’t like it, don’t fucking smoke it. It really is that simple. If you’re okay with folks serving even one second in prison for smoking a plant, kindly go fuck yourself in the ass with a rusty steak knife, and after you’re done with that, fix yourself some french cries to along with that waaah burger.
And now the recipe.
As I mentioned, I’m a hot mess. I’m also broke, allergic to wheat, and occasionally lack motivation to cook. These fries are the perfect temporary solution.
Cheap, quick, easy, wheat-free, goes great with cannabis, and don’t give a fuck.
Basically, if I were a food, I’d be these fries. 😉
You can usually find shelf stable garlic spread in the bakery department of grocery stores for a couple bucks and they’re typically vegan. If you can’t find it, Earth Balance or Smart Balance (which is cheaper and now vegan!) can be used instead. Just add half a teaspoon of garlic powder, and a pinch of salt and pepper.
Homemade fries can be used, but sometimes, I’m just too fucking lazy. #NoShame
Nutritional yeast adds cheesiness and protein, but can be hard to find for us small town vegans, so don’t fret if you don’t have any.
French Cries, AKA Vegan Garlic Cheese Fries:
nonstick cooking spray
2 big ass handfuls frozen fries of your choice (I like crinkle cut)
3 Tablespoons garlic spread (I ain’t say this shit was healthy)
salt to taste
1-2 tablespoons chopped chives, (fresh or freeze dried) optional
1-2 tablespoons nutritional yeast, optional, but soooo worth it of you can find it!
Preheat over to 425 degrees, spray cookie sheet liberally with pam and add fries. Drop garlic spread in even-ish spoonfuls on top and bake for 25 minutes.
Toss to coat, sprinkle with salt, chives, and nutritional yeast and eat. Serves one flaming hot mess.
*Not that there’s anything wrong with dick sucking for money, or any other sex work, I’m just saying some addicts only do so as a last resort to feed their addiction