Fat-Shamer Hell, Part 2, The Liberal, Feminist Fat-Shamer & Vegan Cronuts (You’re Welcome)

There are few things more disheartening than visiting a place that you have known for years to be welcoming and inclusive, only to be met with some sexually repressed hipster-wannabe douche-baguette who is so utterly outraged by fat people having the audacity to eat dessert in public that she feels the need to chastise them on a website that I previously respected. (Be sure to read the comments, I’m Nikki83)

Here’s a photo of the author, Ms Erin Gloria Ryan:

Don’t you just want to slap those stupid glasses off of her smug face?

In addition to being insulting, this piece is very poorly written and her attempts at wit and humor are reminiscent of watching a rooster try to fly- it just ain’t happening and it’s painful to watch.

Here are a few examples of Ms Ryan’s “wit”:

“People are waiting for hours in line for these shits. No one can find time to exercise — OH NO OUR MODERN LIVES ARE TOO BIZ-ZAY for EXERCISE — but we can find time to exit the Type II Diabetes Expressway and hoist our inactive asses out of our Memory Foam mattresses at 6 am so we can play Soviet Union with a bunch of self-proclaimed foodies outside of the Dominique Ansel bakery.” (And here you are, too “biz-zay” fat shaming to exercise, however, I am impressed that she seems to somewhat understand the difference between type1 and type 2 diabetes.)

“Not only is freaking out over cronuts even more absurd than freaking out over cupcakes, they’re harmful to the minds of the people who care about them for the same reason they’re harmful to the waistline of the assholes who pay $70 to have them delivered to their Cobble Hill brownstones — they’re junk food. ” (Shee-it fire, is this twatwaffle being serious right now? Nobody is under the impression that cronuts are health food, you stupid fucking cunt!)

“a diet rich in Sometimes Foods like the cronut can lead to a person huffing and puffing after climbing a few flights of stairs” (There’s no such thing as “sometimes food”, it’s all “whenever the fuck you feel like it food”.)

For someone who’s so concerned about how other people look, Ms. Ryan sure as fuck couldn’t be bothered to wash her hair, put in some contacts and change into a decent blouse for her profile photo. Not that any woman owes beauty to the world, but if you’re not even trying to look nice, then you really don’t have the right to dictate how others look.

While I would never pay $70 to have any dessert delivered to my house, it’s certainly none of my business how others choose to spend their money. (I’m sure Ms. Ryan has never indulged in takeout of any kind!)

Lumping everyone who has cronuts delivered to their house as “assholes” is no better than teabaggers lumping all feminists together as “man-haters”.  Trying to dictate what others eat (not cronuts, apparently), how others should spend their time (“biz-zay” with exercise!) and how others should look (90lbs, so I too can fit into an alluring, unisex, black muscle shirt) is no different than the G.O.P. trying to regulate my uterus.

I still read Jezebel, and they followed up the offending piece of shit with this post (I made the mistake of reading the comments, fucking neanderthals!), so I ain’t mad at them, I’m just saying that for a website that claims to be dedicated to news, politics, and feminist issues, Ms. Ryan was not the best choice to write about the cronut craze.

It never ceases to amaze me how people get their drawers in a twist over something as simple as suggesting that people deserve respect regardless of size or health status.

It’s even more disheartening when the vilest comments are coming from folks who claim to be fellow liberal feminists. If you shame others for the way they look, then you can’t call yourself a Liberal. Period. Just go join the tea party already, or better yet, partake in some “sometimes foods” and shut the fuck up long enough for someone to want to fuck you and maybe you’ll feel better, because people who feel good about themselves don’t feel the need to make others feel shitty for eating a goddamned cronut.

Before I get to the recipe, a few disclaimers:

1) I am NOT against healthy diets, exercise, or weight loss, I’m against shaming others for not participating in those things.

2) I think waiting in line for three hours for anything that is not needed to live is ridiculous, whether it be cronuts, Twilight tickets, or a chance to meet Dale Earnhardt Jr., but I’m not going to condescend to people who feel it’s worth their time by telling them they should be exercising instead. We all have our vices and while I would never stand in line for hours or pay $70 for a dessert, I have certainly driven over thirty miles away to conduct an *ahem* “business transaction” that may have involved pharmaceuticals of an herbal variety.

3) Save the hate mail saying “SHE NEVER SAID SHE HATES FAT PEOPLE!!! SHE NEVER EVEN MENTIONS FAT PEOPLE!!!”, (Also, please turn off the all caps; I get that you’re angry!) I know what was written in the article because I actually read it. While she never states that she hates fat people, it’s obvious that she has an issue with those she deems unhealthy. If it was just a matter of her being annoyed by the long lines then why does she use the phrase “exit the Type II Diabetes Expressway and hoist our inactive asses out of our Memory Foam mattresses” to describe those who are in line for a cronut? I would have more respect for her if her issue was that people have time to wait for a cronut but no time to volunteer, or people wait in line for hours for fancy desserts while others wait in line for hours at the food bank, but no, she is outraged that people (particularly fat people) have the audacity to enjoy dessert in public.

4) I’m not infringing on Ms Ryan’s, freedom of speech- this is America and she can say/write any dumb ass thing she wants, I’m just saying that this type of article doesn’t belong on a site that’s supposed to be dedicated to news, politics, and feminist issues, and that articles like this lead to more bullying and discrimination against fat people.

And now the recipe.

Vegan Cronuts:

crescent rolls

jam

sugar

Optional add-ins: chocolate chips, nuts, cinnamon, nutmeg

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Much to my mother’s chagrin, pastries are just not my thing, so I use Pillsbury Grands Crescent Rolls (accidentally vegan 🙂 ). If you’re using a store/generic brand, be sure to check the label as many contain lard.

100_1659 Unroll crescents onto a greased cookie sheet (If you have one of those Sil-pat thingies, USE IT! It makes cleaning up the baked jam waaay easier!), but don’t separate into triangles, keep them in squares. Spread the first square with your choice of jam, jelly or vegan chocolate chips, I used my grandma’s homemade fig preserves 🙂 Feel free to add whatever tidbits you have lying around

100_1657Top with the second square and bake as is, or cut into doughnut shapes (the scraps can be rolled and baked and called “cronettes”)

100_1658I used a soda bottle cap to make the holes.

Bake for 17-20 minutes, serves 4

100_1660They taste better than they look, I promise!

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