First, I just realized I haven’t written in two months, (fucking ADD) so quick update:
I’m launching a beauty blog soon, so check out High Femme 420, invite your friends, and feel free to send me questions!
I’m trying to build my portfolio, so message me if you’d like to be a victim *ahem* model.
And now on to #NationalComingOutDay #2016:
Been there, done that, here, queer, got the t-shirt.
After the shock of discovering my lesbianism wears off, I’m often asked how my family feels about it, and then met with disbelief when I say they don’t care.
Given that my life is a dramedy/sitcom, I understand why folks expect my experience to be shocking and outrageous, but it was rather uneventful.
They were so relieved I was leaving this dickwad, who was preceded by this dickwad, they didn’t give a flying furry fucksock about me dating chicks.
Then my mom got high on Ambien, and while making 3 am phone calls to procure a chicken coop, (don’t ask) took the initiative of informing the rest of the family that Pumpkin’s a lesbian.
And thank Goddess she did! Otherwise, things could’ve been waaAAAaaayyyy awkward!
So today’s message is for the closeted backwoods youth who don’t feel safe coming out yet;
You are in no way obligated to disclose anything for any reason. Whether it’s an issue of safety, not wanting to be treated differently, or you’re simply not ready to make any announcements, your reasons are valid and you deserve respect.
But there will come a glorious day when you’re loudly and proudly out of the closet, and out of fucks to give, and you’re pimpin’ your cute half-shaved asymmetrical haircut and #RainbowHair all up in the dyke bar,
PM me for an appointment 🙂
and you’ll run into that bitch, the bitch who made your life hell in middle school. The one who accused you of flirting with her, (bitch, I’m gay, not blind) and tried to have you beat up. She’ll try to pretend she doesn’t recognize you, oh, but you know she does. You see the terror in her eyes.
Because you were raised right, and you know outing someone is a dicktastic move, you’ll keep it to yourself, but relive the glory every time homegirl posts about how much she loves her doofus husband and bratty ass fuck trophies #soblessed.
As always, thanks for reading, and if you think this is about you, it is 🙂
hummuscidalmaniac 